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BookmarkTop 10 Stupidest John Mayer Quotes
John Mayer - The Man, The Legend
We all know what a douchebag John Mayer can be. Actually that isn’t fair, there are plenty of douchy people out there that can’t hold a candle to John’s magnitude. The ninja knows some, and he is sure you do, too. Let’s call him the king of douchbags then.
Here is the top ten stupidest things he has ever said. The ninja has to warn you, when he went looking for these quotes he knew he would find some pretty adult language. Well, if you are one of the easily offended members of the robot ninja army you should stop reading… Now.
For the rest of you, here is the list of the top 10 stupidest things John Mayer has ever said.
On Weakness
“I’m weaker than you know.”
No, you got that one wrong. We all know how weak you really are, the only one you’re fooling is yourself and small handful of your fans.
John Mayer the Womanizer
“I should be having sex with more girls. It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble. I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.”
Because Mr. Mayer Cares (but not enough)
“Sometimes I get so bold and I’m so confident about what I’m doing that I actually try to be more of a dork because it’s a really liberating feeling to experience what it’s like to not care.”
On Finding Mrs. Right
“Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it.”
In Response to Obama Winning the Nobel Prize
“What’s he going to do, send it back? It’s like I’m getting a wrongful bulge in my pants and everyone’s thinking I’ve got a nine-inch cock. I’m not going to argue with them, I’m going to let them think I have a nine-inch cock.”
Life is Like a Box of Crayons (sure it is John)
“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation… so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type… I’m like, ‘hey girl, magenta!’ and she’s like, ‘oh, you mean purple!’ and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, ‘no – I want magenta!’”
John on Perez Hilton
“I will fuck you in the mouth to shut you up. You are not wilder than me.”
John Mayer on Masturbation
“I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”
In Response to Pakistani Comedian Kumail Nanjiani
“He looked like a brown guy but sounded like a white guy.”
In Response to Dating Black Women
“My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”
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What is Your Opinion? Leave a Comment
i Love your attempts at defaming him without succeeding. i think it adds a faux-realist, right-but-wrong quality to your prose that brings us into a state of complete understanding of what it is that you really do here. this, my friend, is how it ought to be.
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The only one that is attempting to defame John Mayer is John Mayer himself. And from the ninja’s perspective he is doing a pretty good job at it.
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So true. John Mayer hangs himself. He believe his own hype and think he is above it all. Who told him to believe the people on his own payroll, they will always lie to his face to get their pay check. Mayer is stupid. I don’t understand why any black females will ever sit in his audience again after hearing his racist views. I don’t even know why his band mates will still play with him-oh wait times are hard. Jobs are hard to come by.
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Garbage in garbage out. His stupid comments taint his music. Mayer needs to be taken down from his pedestal.
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Excellent site. A lot of fun and useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!
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